The World That Is Our Own, Is It Our Own?

Towering with no derived point. Screaming with no reason. How the shade of reflection could hurt with no intention to. They rise up above me, both sides of me blocked. The flickering clear colors. What is this? I don’t understand. What is this rumble of shine, gliding upon what seemed like flat coal. Others around me look with confusion and disgruntle. How do I react to them? I’m lost this is not home. I am not safe.

I turn to my right, I see my reflection. gold hair flowing on my head, with blue eyes. Relatively shorter than the others. With black and white shorts and a white t-shirt. I was clean, not a smudge on me. I had a necklace on, a gold chain with the number 713 as the pendant. Who am I? What am I? Do the others know who I am? Scared. Scared. Very Scared.

Black. Black. Never ending torturing black.

“Hey you!” a sound of relief coming from the nearest corner.

“What?”. Was that really my voice? Scratchy. I must be thirsty. My throat burns of dryness. A quench for liquid.

“Here you are, my brother”. A male figure around the same size as myself handed me a cylindrical figurine with a clear liquid inside. I had been lost on how to acclaim the liquid until he had taken it back from my grasp. “Allow me” he chuckled as he opened the container by spinning the white top until it fell into his palm.

“How? Who?” I was taken aback by the man… or maybe boy? He was of my height, but unlike myself he had a very clean face. Smoother than even the reflective surface. I, on the other hand, seemed to have a thin layer of fur caressing my jaw and chin. He, just like myself, had been wearing shorts but his were blue and white. He was also wearing a t-shirt, but his had a symbol in the center of it. A symbol that looked familiar, but my mind could not recollect. I had no other reason to assume an age for this man or myself for that matter.

“Here have a drink” he had said with a slight tilt of his lips as he handed me the container. “This should help you with your memory problem”.  

I drank with not a single intention of hesitation. As I drank, the fluid ran down my throat clearing the sticky dryness. I stopped thinking as the cold liquid drained empty from the container. My mind had hit a pause.

What is this? Flashing! “Stop the flashing! I can’t take anymore!”  I had screamed as a ball of light had flashed over and over again on my face. Was it burning me? Was I about to die?

My eyes shot open to the man standing across from me with the same smirk plastered to his face. “What’s going on?” these were the only words that I could muster from my mouth. I was confused, dazed, and had no clue where I was and how I got here.

“Do you remember me? Or anything for that matter?” I was struck with memory loss. I deduced I must have done something to forget what I was doing. Or maybe all of this was a dream or hallucination. If so this was the most realistic dream I have ever had. But how would I know that? How would I even know what a dream is like? Am I going crazy? What is this?

I fell to the ground, knees scraping the sharp ridges of pebbles and my fists pounding as I screamed for relief. The man snatched my elbow with a very firm grip. He had pulled me to the alley he had exited prior to now. He tossed me to the wall with, what seemed like, all his strength. “What is your problem? We need to stay low profile, and you screaming to the world isn’t going to help us” he had yelled to me as he jabbed his finger into my chest.

“I’m sorry” I had said  almost on instinct, so I followed that with “what’s going on? Tell me what is happening and what happened to me.”

“You really don’t remember do you?” as I shook my head aggressively at him “maybe it’s best if I show you”. We walked down the alley. The dirty water infested alley, with garbage everywhere. I did not understand any of this, but this man, my brother, seems to know what is happening, so I followed without question. The question is, where is he leading me? But for some underlying reason I feel that I trust this person and I have nothing to fear from him.

We turn left through a gated door. Again it was black, when I heard “Are you ready for this?” He had asked, but what was i to say. I didn’t know if I was ready, I didn’t even know what I had gotten myself into.

“Yes” slowly exited my lips.

Lights blared, blinding me for a few seconds, when as my eyes adjusted I couldn’t, even for a minute, believe what I saw.

“What do you think?” he asked as if happy with what he saw. I on the other hand didn’t understand at all. What was I looking at? Was this heaven or hell? It was like a whole other world, different from the prior world entirely.

Flames covered the sky, filling it with rage and disaster. Balls of flames barreled into far off mountains crashing tremendously as nukes might do. The flip side was the ground. Shining beautifully with shops and buildings lining both sides of the street. Paralyzed over the sight of animals acting as humans. Rabbits standing on their hind legs, cats talking English, pigs running market stands. Even so, all of them are still happy, cheerful, with no fear of the raining death above them.

What happening? This isn’t right, where is this place? But oddly enough I feel at home, I feel safe from all evil. I feel as if I had anything to fear it would be going back to the other world. That world and this world, how do I handle this?

“How do you feel” I had forgotten that he was still here. I had been taken in by the dynamic of this world and how it stands out in my mind.

“Fine” I had no assurance of how to feel. The world was different, but also the same. It held some kind of meaning to me, I just couldn’t put my finger on it. I didn’t understand any of it.

“You only feel fine?” he had asked confused “Does any of this make any sense to you? Do you remember anything?” he had asked me this almost with the intent of trying to make me remember.

“No, I don’t know any of this, all of it is just a cluster to me” these were the only things I could say for how i really felt. “I feel I am safer here that there though, if that makes any sense”.

“I know how you feel, come with me” and as soon as we had got there we had started down the street. The street was cramped with creatures of all shapes and sizes. They were tall, short, wide, thin, of many different colors and for the most part I didn’t know what kind of creature they were at all.

“Where are we going?” I was just following and not actually thinking about where I was actually following him to. It was strange enough that I had been following somebody who called themselves my brother let alone me not knowing them at all. How was I suppose to act to all this?

“Don’t worry we’re going somewhere else” he told me as he looked back from the corner he was taking “its right done this alley way”.

I followed not even knowing what was in store for me not even knowing where I was going. I didn’t seem to care either. I was going to follow diligently until I was able to get my memory back. I closed my eyes as we turned the corner.

        “Aaaaahh! Stop I can’t take any more of this! Please, somebody help! Anybody!?” I was being clamped down to a table. Unable to move. Fingers, wrists, ankles, neck, and waist all latched done to a cold silver table. Lights flashing in every which direction. “You’re going to kill me! Please I didn’t do anything”

        “Were not going to kill you, were just running test” said a very calm male voice “you’re going to be fine just relax” there were more voices in the background. They were quieter voices. They were definitely female but i couldn’t make out the words at all.

        “No you’re lying; I know what you’re going to do! You’re going to….

        I trailed off from reality, or what I think is “reality”. We had been walking down the alleyway for a long period of time. I glance back to see how far we had walked. My eyes must have been playing tricks on me, for when I looked back the alley walls seemed to merge to a line.

My eyes must be playing tricks on me! I leaned to see in front of the man I had been following, my eyes had definitely been playing tricks on me. When I looked in front of him, not only was there no end, the alley was an infinite loop. The alley seemed to never stop, I had walked for what felt like decades. Was there an end to this madness?

“Hold up” he turned and looked at me. I had been sweating from fear. He turned towards a garbage can. “Come on” he said with yet another smirk on his face, as he jumped into the garbage can.

I threw myself forward, looking done into the garbage can. What I saw was breath taking, colors upon colors spinning, looping, twisting together as one. I leaned forward dangling my body over the ledge of the garbage can. I pushed and I fell through a spiral of colors, falling ever slower. Dropping deeper into the colors, as I glided on waves of blue, green, and purple.

Then I realize that I’m still falling, deeper into the color. I spin my head around, I’m looking down. Oh no! Black barreling in on me. The black grows heavier with every second passed. Soon the black is on me. Surrounding every part of me. I’m engulfed in blackness, with no escape. I can’t move, I’m stuck! Is this the end? Is this how my story ends?

Then a stroke of light penetrates my face. I open my eyes to a face. A doctor to be exact, his mouth covered. He looks at me, gets really close to my ear and says “Any last words?”

I was stunned, my body limp, strapped and unable to move. I whimper to him, with the most subtle tone I could, “Help”.

And with that he penetrated a needle into my arm. Slowly drifting away. Black. Black. Never ending torturing black.   


The Idea Factor and How It Applies To Life and Death

Does the mind work as a tool for the conscience mind or does it work on it’s own terms? Does one just think or contemplate, or is there more to the thought that we as humans can ever understand? How does one have the idea of another from across seas, or does this not happen? Why do we as individuals think our own thoughts? The idea of our brain being a tool to fiddle with is nothing more than an idea created by the mind, a tool that had been created from, and for the mind. So do we truthfully think or are we just turning the tool in our head? And if so, how does one turn the tool? How do we think as humans? Sociology and psychology say one thing, but there are exceptions to every situation. How can one person break into the mind and control the power that lie inside? Many say that it is impossible and that we were created to never know. But the idea of us being “created”, all in and of itself, is crazy! How does one just combine pieces of nothing to create something? How does one separate out all the compounds, elements, and atoms to create a life, let alone a brain, with immense power that even the beholder find themselves staggering over every now and then? Do we as life forms just come from an all reigning being of ourselves? If so how is an AI, or a computer program (with some serious coding), allowing itself to act and move on its own, differ from ourselves? Some say it’s the idea that we have the idea that they are our thoughts, but how are we to know if they are our own thoughts? If we were created by a higher power, wouldn’t we all have some type of code given to us? A code telling us how we are going to think and act? Then the idea of free will comes into play. Free will is the idea that we act as our own people and make our own decisions. But how does that make any sense at all? We were created not by our own free will but by someone else (supposedly). Even evolution has it’s flaws, the idea that a bacteria can form from a few compounds, and then mutate into something larger and larger, until it’s a full fledged walking animal or even human, sounds like it’s missing a lot of parts to it. People as a whole seem to not understand themselves, yet still seem to get along in the world as if it has no importance to them. Truthfully, does one just live and then die? Even after death how does the mind comprehend the thought of an afterlife? If we don’t even understand life itself how does one expect to understand what happens after? Is it the fear of not knowing that pushes us to make these accusations or is it the drive to understand? Even if a higher being created us, why? As an experiment, test subjects to a theory, or maybe just for fun. The possibilities are endless.  Why do we die to this higher power, why do only the ones that give praise live eternally? If that being had created us all wouldn’t we all have the same fate? No, because one cannot just die and then live eternally they must do the work first. The work that gives you no guarantee that you will even live eternally. So if that is true, the whole idea of eternal life would be a numbers game. Hmm, interesting that even my mind can hold this knowledge, but just knowing that i can think it means that others have also thought this way. Proving that we must all have some sort of thought process towards life and death and how they both came to be. If a child can understand that something is living or dead then why must we sugar coat it with the thought that when you die you will be able to live again in eternity? Don’t get me wrong, the idea is awesome, but how does that person know? Did they just come up with the ideas just as i am now? Contemplating the idea of life, the living world, death and what comes after. Did they become scared and come up with an idea that made themselves happy with what was going to happen to them either way? I will never know, but the thought still lingers around me. If the idea of any one person were to be true we would never know which one, because any of those answers could be proven wrong by another idea, or a different one. In many religions the idea of life after death is very common, whether you be sent to a hell, a heaven, wandering the earth for all eternity, or even until your energy finds another to cultivate, the idea boggles me. Why do some believe it and others don’t? Either way we don’t know and we’ll never truthfully know, so why try finding an answer that can’t be found? Because we’re scared? Because we think we know? Or just because we want answers? You’ll never know just as i’ll never know. The reason why…good luck figuring out that one. Are our minds even capable of understanding anything about ourselves? Besides of course our physical attributes. I can’t even answer the question truthfully, science says that they will find the answer, and religion says that the answers already been made by some other power. In the end the mind, our thoughts, and our ideas will never be proven true or false, because the world and our own minds will never know.